In these past almost two years so much has changed and altered around me. I'm a full time working mom, soon to be mother of three, and still smiling with someone next to me who I didn't believe existed.
In life's happenings we are so wrapped up in the "get it now or never" mentality, all the must have gadgets and things, stupid things, that we forget to breathe, to reflect, to just enjoy. It's something that has literally come up and smacked me in the face the past year. It's not about the latest and greatest, it's not about breaking the bank to make sure your family has it all- you regretfully forget you do have it all with every giggle, hug or "I love you" uttered. I forgot that for a moment. A long moment. And now that I'm reacquainted with what matters, its like a race to the death trying to get back to it. I desperately want to have the time to laugh, the patience to learn, and the ability to not stare at the clock knowing there is something next to do while I miss whats happening in front of me.
My girls, oh my two beautiful, intelligent, perfectly them- girls... if they knew even an atom's worth how much they fill my heart and what I hope and want for them, my wishes and dreams for them to receive in life all they are worth.
I miss my babies. So much it hurts. I know I'm doing, as a parent, what needs to be done to care for my children at this time. But jeebus cripes nothing tugs at your heartstrings like your baby girl crying on the phone cause she misses you and wants to come home all because there is nothing in this world she wants more than to snuggle in bed with mommy and tell you what she wants to be for Halloween. Or your oldest begging you to come home early so you can have "girl time" that she remembers once upon a time. I see them struggle with it everyday- wanting their mom back. And it chokes me.
I see myself missing so much, while simultaneously them missing so much of me... they grow in leaps and bounds by the minute. It's depressing what you're able to miss in a day- trust me, I've done it (unfortunately). With a new little one on the way I'll be home again- for a little while anyway. And I plan on soaking it in, rolling in it, bathing in my kids, relishing every breath they take, taking mental pictures of their smiles, and just all around living in that time the best I can. Ya know, all the while recovering for cesarean, caring for a newborn, keeping up a house, taxiing to and from school and Girl Scouts... gotta love the "Supermom" mentality right??
But it's going to happen, with all I have it's going to. Know why? Because this time, this precious, shorter than hell window of time is going to close before I'm ready, before anyone has a chance to realize it happened and I want to drink it up, all in. You don't get this back people, there's no rewind button.
